he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
