So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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