thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
