I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
