I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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