I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
