No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
