I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
