what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
