dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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