Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
...so i touched it.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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