hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
