I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize