when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
