next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
