At least make sure they are 18
Why
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
