somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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