how can u be prego again
We need to rekindle our bromance
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
