I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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