I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
