the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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