I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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