people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
