Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are we still banned from the library?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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