dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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