Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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