no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
