as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
