its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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