there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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