summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You smell like stripper and shame
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
