Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
