I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
