I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
