I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Text me some of your sweat
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
