it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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