Pappa wants mamma naked
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
