An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
3pm strippers are depressing
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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