My cat gives me a boner
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
