Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
