what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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