Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
