You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
