SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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