My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
