I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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