i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
