some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
