i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
