True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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