i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
