I'm so fucking centered right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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