i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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