it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
