It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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