piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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