i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
