not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize