im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
