I faked an abortion last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
