I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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