You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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