who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
