Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize