i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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