first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
