i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
