Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
