I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize