Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
