Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
