11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
