I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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