you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
