so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
