I CAN MOONWALK!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
