dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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