Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
