Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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