jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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