Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
