Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize