She is in my trunk
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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